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Wednesday, 20 March 2019 07:10 pm

Hating Christmas – here’s some reasons, and some solutions

Nov 26th, 2008 | By | Category: Featured Article, Opinion

I hate Christmas. 

For most of us in this godless land, it is devoid of any spiritual significance, which, alas, leaves only the naked bones of consumerism and greed, which are hardly anything to celebrate. 

These, after all, are the very things which have brought the world to the state it finds itself in.

It is ironic that so much of the plastic created for the festive season is for the little children who shalt inherit this earth.  It’s kind of a sick joke, really. Here, little Johnny, enjoy this plastic tool shed, this faulty remote-controlled car that needs 12 batteries, this paddling pool that will not last the summer.

But I am going to leave you and your generation (and the one after that, etc) to deal with their remains, if that’s okay. Tough, if it ain’t, cos’ this is just what we do at this time of year.

Oh, groan, I hear. Boring. Another sad greenie who can’t look past this poisoned planet, take a break from the doom and gloom to get into the festive spirit. 

It’s about family, I hear you say. Getting together with people you’ve deftly avoided the year through, because, in truth, you don’t actually like them. 

It’s about not talking about why you don’t want any of that pineapple-laced piggy that lived in a crate, or that de-beaked turkey chock full of antibiotics. That would put them off their dinner, and that would be a shame. Lovely glaze, Sheryl.

It’s about not talking about politics, books, or sex or anything remotely interesting. It’s about compulsory discussions on what-ever-the-hell the All Blacks did, and if anyone’s caught any fish (but don’t mention the depleted seas).

Yes, I greet the festive season with dread, while trying to maintain some level of enthusiasm for my unfortunate children who got me for a mother. 

I grit my teeth and go shopping to the accompaniment of ghastly, canned Christmas jingles, to find something to give them that will not last on this Earth longer than they do. I scan the burgeoning shelves at the Warehouse and watch parents fill their trolleys with violent action figures and one-week wonders from China. 

I watch as they buy that reduced-to-clear outdoor dining suite that’s made from Orang-utan habitat (such a good buy!). I watch the faces at the checkout when the total is a little more than they figured. But hey, it’s Christmas. Let’s get it on credit. 

And hang on, don’t we need wrapping paper to wrap all this stuff up in? A few virgin forests, but won’t it look pretty round the tree!

What should it be about then? 

Giving your kids some hugs, a day to remember, perhaps. Going for a swim, eating cake, having a glass of wine. Being with friends and family that you love, stretching out in the sun, listening or playing music, praying to Gaia, God or whoever, cooking a beautiful meal. 

That’s enough isn’t it? And really, it’s all this world can afford.

Merry Christmas.

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is a Whitireia Journalism student.
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  1. Ho Ho bloody ho. Happy bloomin ‘xmas….xx

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