AMONG dirty smear campaigns, secret recordings and flying accusations I have come to the conclusion that many young voters, like me, have no idea of who any of these stuttering, suit-clad people really are, let alone what they are trying to sell us.

I recently decided I must find out more about these people as, um, people.

Not their views on party politics, economy or sustainability. Nor do I care about their family values or eco-friendly transportation.

Enough of Helen and John. I want to know who supports these hyenas in the face-off that is General Election 2008.

I emailed a brief, light-hearted survey to more than 50 Members of Parliament, hoping someone might find my childish inquisition refreshing, perhaps cute, and feel therefore obligated to enlighten me with a response.

Not surprisingly, very few thought my light-hearted survey of any relevance to the upcoming election. Automatically generated Delivery Status Notification(s) filled my inbox, so I decided to seek public information from both Parliament and each party’s website.

Scrolling through the 121 MPs, I ignored all the important stuff and began to take notes of the different candidates and their (predictable) favoured Leisure Activities.

Though nothing appeared to shock or thrill, I was able to make some generalisations amongst the major parties from the information gathered.

According to www.parliament.nz , the National Party appeared to be enjoying time spent on boats with family, listening to jazz music.

Former retirement home dishwasher Paula Bennett included Wine as a leisure activity. She’s won my heart, even if she is a bit “westie”.

Otaki’s Nathan Guy shares a rural spirit with fellow farmers Jackie Dean and Craig Foss, but Colin King was named one of six Master Shearers in the last 20 years, three times Golden Shears Champion, six times National Shearing Competition Champion AND winner of more than 200 open shearing events. Whew.

Beauracratic urbanites these folk are not!

The Labour contingent also showed a strong country theme, enjoying time in the garden, or taking a stroll. Walking, tramping and hiking were all favoured leisure activities on Helen’s team.

I do wonder how many of these people truly do enjoy walking as much as they tell us. At least Mark Burton saved them from coming across all soft, having been trained in Aikido.

And Dave Hereora and Russell Fairbrother both did time at the meat works, with former poultry farmer Chris Carter no chicken: being the first openly gay MP.

Eventually, I did get two responses to my quiz – from Russell Fairbrother, and Keith Locke.

Mr Fairbrother was one of few who let me in on a few of his secrets…

• What will he be wearing tomorrow? “A grin.”
• Though not scared of anything, he admits to “a strange personality”.
• If he wasn’t in politics he would be “a father”.
• His last meal choice a (patriotic) “pavlova”.
• Beauty Secret/Fitness Regime: “Waking up each day.”
• Described in a song: “The River”, Bruce Springsteen.
• And if he were an animal: “A horse.”

That makes me feel better about what went on at the meat works.

Green MP Mr Locke…

• On tomorrow’s attire: “As much green as possible.”
• He admits he “find(s) it hard to dislike anyone”.
• A career outside politics: “Historian..”
• He may be green, but is no herbivore; “oxtails” are his tasty treat of choice.
• Described in a song: “Peace Train”, Cat Stephens.
• And if Mr Locke were any animal, he would be…a fantail.

NZ First MP Peter Brown’s secretary told me he was out on the campaign trail, but kindly mentioned she would be wearing her favourite pendant on polling day.

And for the record, Helen gets advice on clothes, but personally chooses what to wear each day.

PICTURE: Colin King, Shearing Champion